How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
