I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
