lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
