Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
