Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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