Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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