dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
