and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
