He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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