Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
