Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
