so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sext me about skeletons
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
