She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
