i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
