I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
