just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
