I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
