I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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