a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
