She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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