Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
