its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
