Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
