Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
