Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
