I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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