I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
