guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
