Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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