Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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