I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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