literally had 100 drinks last night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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