when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
