Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
