im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
