I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
