Ambien. No doubt about it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
