i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
