The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
