I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
