Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
