I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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