i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
