Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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