I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
