He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
