"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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