I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
