My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
