shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
zippers are such a cool invention
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
