You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
