yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
