So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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