If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
