I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
