1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're so nebulous sometimes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
as a side note pls kill me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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