I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
